Drive With the Windows Down

It's a wonderful experience. I was in PA this weekend for the wedding of my friend Becky Robbins (now Beer), and I drove back today. Sadly, Philly, Wilmington, Baltimore, D.C., AND Richmond were all on my way. The traffic is always atrocious, so I looked up back roads. I drove down through Delaware and Maryland, over bridges and through tunnels, rain at sunset and after dark. I forgot how much I love driving by myself; living in the city kind of negates that activity. I'll have several trips this spring though, so I'll have plenty of time for contemplation and music and sunsets.

I meant for this to be a long, chatty, romantic blog, but I'm watching Anne of Green Gables and I am entirely absorbed. Farewell!

Merry Christmas! and A Review: The Eight

Before I get to the description of The Eight: Reindeer Monologues, I would like you all to understand what an amazing thing just happened. I was popping M&Ms while waiting for some music to download. Being the OCD person that I am, I was, of course, eating an even number at a time. I had four in my hand, when I looked down. Lo and behold, TWO orange and TWO blue!! I didn't even choose them! They just arranged themselves according to my preferences. It was a Christmas miracle, I'm sure.

On a sad note, which still has to do with theatre, playwright Harold Pinter has died. To be honest, I had no idea who he was until today, but he won the Nobel Prize for literature in 2005, and he wrote a play that I have long looked forward to seeing, The Dumb Waiter.

Anyways, last Friday night was the last Philly RA outing. We went to dinner and then to the Society Hill Playhouse in South Philly, where they were performing The Eight for I think the third year in a row. I knew that it would be risque, to say the least, and it really wasn't that bad, except for Cupid. The premise of the play is that Santa is a horrible pervert who molests the reindeer. Some don't let him get away with it, some do and like it, and some do and are horribly scarred. Supposedly, Rudolph is no longer involved in the Christmas run because he is horrifyingly and permanently scarred from his experiences with Santa.

I know exactly what you're thinking. Comedy? Not so much. But going into the play, it does seem like it will be full of sexual humor that makes you a bit uncomfortable but is ultimately amusing. Seeing the personalities of the "deer" is very funny, and the idea of Santa as a pervert is, you must admit, not entirely alien. It is a little creepy, particularly to the young adult age group of which I am a part, that kids line up to sit on a jolly old man's lap.

Dasher, a pseudo-gangsta in a track suit with a Jersey(?) accent, mentions in passing the controversy that is the center of the play, but, as the lead reindeer, is more concerned with rescuing his reputation from the one year when Rudolph, the one-hit wonder, took his place. Cupid, the only "openly gay" reindeer, admits to enjoying Santa and Mrs. Clause's bawdy lifestyle. Blitzen, a feminist type, descries the discrimination and exploitation that takes place at the North Pole. Her character gives a hint to the later, more serious content with allusions made to a lawsuit that Vixen is bringing against Santa Clause.Prancer, whose real name is "Hollywood" apparently, has an amusing monologue on the commercialization of Christmas, and how the classic claymation Rudolph movie discriminated against any other reindeer who wanted to pursue a career in entertainment. Dancer told a sad story of her life of ballet, which was ended when the discrimination, and even racism, against reindeer in the human world became too dangerous. All the reindeer make subtle comments to the controversy caused by Vixen's accusations against Santa Clause, but none are specific. Comet, a Latino former gang member, is the only firmly pro-Santa reindeer. He claims that Santa saved him from the violent gang lifestyle and kept him on the straight and narrow. He appeals to the traditional viewpoint that Santa couldn't possibly do anything slightly perverted because he is simply Santa. Such a great institution who has done so much good in the world couldn't possibly be a menace. Donner, Rudolph's father, is the last monologue before Vixen, and he finally expounds on the strange story of Rudolph. Donner was an out-of-work herd deer, with a mentally challenged son who had no hope of acceptance. Santa, as the song says, offered Rudolph a chance to lead the sleigh on Christmas night, but in the play, he offered Donner a position on the team as well, for the high price of surrender to his perversion. Donner shakily described listening to Rudolph's screams from the other room, but defends his decision with the knowledge that his family would never have to go hungry again or feel unaccepted or unsuccessful.

The play opens firmly as a comedy, but even in the early monologues, Cupid for example, there are jokes and allusions which feel wrong. There was a point when Cupid was screaming in the most effeminate way possible about how the holidays are worse for dysfunctional families, and the audience laughed, but hesitantly. Reindeer with personalities ought to be a hilarious premise, but the jokes about Santa's sexual nature united with the stories about Rudolph's mental instability and the abuse taken by other, unknown reindeer to create a story for serious consideration.

Vixen is a young, beautiful and glamorous reindeer. She explained her situation, that she refused to stand by and let Santa do what he wanted with her, and why she spoke up, so that another Rudolph would not happen. Then, she explained why she was keeping quiet, not protesting beyond the lawsuit, which would undoubtedly be tossed out. Christmas, and Santa along with it, was an institution, and to continue to press charges would surely ruin Christmas for people all over the world. The play ends with Vixen moving to Florida, but not before she describes the ironic reception she has received as "Santa's attacker" in a profanity-laden but honest speech recalling the questions put to her in the trial. Questions concerning her sexual history and whether or not she may have 'invited' the sexual interaction with Santa.

Walking back to the car with my friends after the show, we all couldn't really make up our minds. It was something that had to be processed. We knew that it was funny at some points, and serious at others, but I didn't really know which I wanted it to be more. My friend Jon made a good point when he said that he would have been upset if they treated a subject like rape as a comedic opportunity. At the same time, the entire setting for the show, reindeer at the North Pole, is somewhat ludicrous, and it's hard not to be a little bit annoyed that I couldn't just sit back and enjoy the over the top personalities of the actors. The balance between comedy and tragedy is confusing, and even a week later, I haven't fully processed what it says about Christmas, Santa and cultural revolution (as in revolving around, not rebellion revolution) around the two intertwined.

Life Thus Far

Iiiiiiiiiiii should talk about what I'm doing. I haven't written a decent post in a while. And I bugged my friend Dave into updating, so if I don't, I would be a hypocrite.

And this last sentence has been sitting for the past...hour maybe? I'm so completely unmotivated.

As a side note: The line "Run, August, run!" is horrible. What were they thinking??

Sooo, last week was finals. I took my roommate to the bus station last Monday so she could fly home to Vietanam for break. She made it home fine, of course, and now she gets to enjoy her family for the first time in a year and a half! Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty much all spent on planning and writing my final paper for 19th c. American Fiction. It involved minimal sleep. Also the final from hell, Medieval Literature, was on Wednesday. Thursday there were no finals, so there was much sleep involved, but I woke up feeling rather odd. I managed to delay studying for my two relatively straight forward history finals until 4ish, but by that time I was shivering, and clearly had the flu or something similar. I crawled into bed and did the obvious: called my mom. Friends got medicine and various necessities (Sprite, thank you Jon!) throughout the night, and I did study for several hours. My professors didn't offer me any alternative because their deadlines were Monday, so they really couldn't postpone the exam. I went to bed around 2, planning to get up at 6:30 to study some more...



...and woke up at 2:30...pm.

So the whole two finals thing didn't really happen. Needless to say, I was pretty upset. Fortunately, I have a very generous professor who knew that I was sick and, when I didn't show up for the final, emailed me saying that he would give me my average for the semester, a B. Wooo! My other professor agreed to do the same thing after a little begging.

So yeah, several hours of major stress. But really, how could I help it? I slept for 12 1/2 hours through two alarms and three phone calls. Clearly, I was ill.

Enough with that. It makes me cringe to think about my grade point average. I just have to put it out of my head, and determine to have no life for the next two semesters to make up for it.

So. Now that I'm done with that whole topic, I would like to describe my experience at The Eight: Reindeer Monologues, the show I saw with the Philly Res Life staff on Friday night, but, after all, it is break, and my brain is fried. I will have to continue this tomorrow. Hold me to that promise, because The Eight was a great show (I think). Good night!

It's the Last Night

I should write a blog entry tonight. It's my last night in Philly. But I can't. It would be too much for me right now. Maybe later.

Sleep calls.

How Is This Possible?

Sometimes people (one certain person) amaze(s) me. In a wonderful, horrible, passionate, how-can-you-be-so-incredible kind of way. That's all.

Tiredness

I had such a great idea for a blog yesterday in class, and I knew I should have written it down right then or I would forget it. Guess what happened?

I actually didn't forget it, but the inspiration is gone. Completely. Meaning the entry is slightly depressing and I wasn't so exhausted yesterday that it would depress me even more to write it, but that state of exhaustion is today the case. Late late nights studying. I think last night I just lay down when I was tired for 20 minutes to an hour, and then got up and started working again. In the end, though, I finished my paper in time to take a shower (yay for hot showers!) and rush to class.

Which brings me to my blog idea. I will attempt to do it justice. Today was the last day of classes, so now I study and write for finals, which start on Tuesday next week. Normally the end of the semester is a relief, because it means I get a break from the constant onslaught of academics and essays and just thinking. There is always sort of nostalgia that accompanies it, just because each class represents a mental journey that you took through the semester, but it's not too bad because (at my small school at least) I know I will see the professors and classmates again. Now that I'm going back to Grantham, the last day of class here at Temple really is the last day of class. The professors I've grown attached to or would like to take more classes with will not be at Messiah, and the guy I buy my lunch from every day is staying in Philadelphia.

This is such a military cliche, but I never thought I would intentionally and willingly move once I was out of my dad's house. That is in effect what I am doing. I could stay in the city if I wanted to, but I'm not. I am intentionally severing relationships in order to pursue opportunities in a different location. Of course, there are people I've met in Philly that are continuing to Grantham with me, and that's awesome. It would be even worse if everyone was staying here and I had to leave. But they're not, so it's ok.

Also I'm tired now, so this entry is over. Bye!

Dangerous Things

Hello!

So I put my life in danger tonight for the sake of my friends.










Meaning I went ice skating so I could hang out with my friends. Exact same thing, really. But honestly, my knee is sore from my one fall. This guy attacked me. But don't worry, I made sure he fell too :/

I had a good bit of fun today. After class, I got a sandwich and read Fellowship of the Ring for a little bit. Frodo had just woken up in Rivendell, and he has now just met Bilbo again. I wanted to keep reading, but I needed sleep. Also, I skipped dinner for more sleep.

We (friends, etc.) then proceeded to the Franklin Institute, where we saw Narnia: The Exhibition. Truly, it was fun, but no revelations to be had. I would have been happier if the C.S. Lewis part was extended much more. But no worries, I will see the real thing in a little more than a year!

Ice skating came directly after Narnia, where I was dragged around the rink with friends on either side. I'm sure they thought I was pathetic in my terror, but they hid it well. Thanks guys!

Another dangerous thing I've been thinking about is committing my heart without trusting God for the results. I've got to keep telling myself that no matter what I would choose for myself and my future, God has something so much better for me. It's a cycle I recognize well now. I get excited about the possiblities and let myself dream, and then one thing doesn't go the way I want it to, and I'm thrown into despair and disappointment. I don't mean that I shouldn't dream, because I think that that capability is one of the best that humans have. It's just that sometimes we dream for things that might not be best for us, even if, at the time, it seems like that and that alone would make us happy beyond belief.

Umm, that's all for now I guess. I'll have a lot of time on my hands next week as classes are wrapping up. Let's see how well I can finish out this semester :)

THINGS HAPPENED TODAY

ONE: I found a book that is not as good as the movie!!! I know of other such rare circumstances, but this is my first primary experience. The story under examination is The Devil Wears Prada. The movie is absolutely wonderful. I bought the book on Saturday, and I finished it on the plane back to the city yesterday. The best I can say about it is a shrug of the shoulders and "meh." Maybe the story, with its NYC and Paris setting and beautiful clothing, just lends itself to a film format.

TWO: I did not write the paper that was due in my Medieval Literature class. I got into that panicky, early morning, paper writing mood and emailed the TA, asking for an extension. She reminded me that the professor allows two grace days, neither of which I had used. YESSSSSS!! So, I've now outlined the paper, which I will write tomorrow. I really need/want to do well on this paper for two reasons. 1) I got a C+ on the first paper. That's all. 2) I've decided that I loathe much of what this class is about, particularly eight page poems rhapsodizing on the merits of an estate in the English countryside. If I do well on this paper on Henry IV (which I actually quite like), it is basically sticking it to the man (medieval poetry specifically) English-major style. That's a good thing.

THREE: (this doesn't really merit a number because it's not exactly an event, but whatever) For those of you who have not yet discovered how much of a dork I am, this will tell you down to the decimal. I am currently listening to Jingle Spells, a wizard rock Christmas compilation. Wizard rock (spelled wrock in the Harry Potter fandom)? Yes. Bands with names like Draco and the Malfoys or The Mudbloods. With Harry Potter themed songs. It's absolutely amazing. Jingle Spells was a compilation organized last year by the news website The Leaky Cauldron as a charity fundraiser. So on top of the amazing-ness of Harry Potter themed songs, they are also Christmas songs! Which makes for double joy in listening. Jingle Spells 2 is now on sale, but being poor, I'm hoping an iTunes gift card will be in my stocking or a sibling was wonderful enough to actually purchase the CD for me. We'll see what happens, but right now, I'm listening to The Whomping Willows rap about a Christmas party at Hogwarts.

Happenings

Guess where I'm sitting?!

On my newly hardwood living room floor! Yeah, my family tore out the carpet. The point is, I'm home!! This semester has been really weird, because I'm pretty sure it's the happiest one yet, but I've also missed my family the most. I had to struggle to not break down in tears while I was waiting for my plane to land. I hadn't seen my dad or Rachel or Phillip in three months! It was such a great feeling to walk towards them in the airport.

So now, we're piled in the living room with some friends, watching A Muppet Christmas Carol with the fabulous Michael Caine. So wonderful! I thought I would post; it's been a while since I articulated my thoughts here. 

Lots has been going on, but not all of it belongs here. My semester in Philadelphia has three weeks left, and I'm sad about that, but I think I would be more sad if I stayed when everyone else had left. I'm headed back to Grantham in January, and I am glad. I was thinking, this semester has been like a glimpse of what my life as a real adult will be, and now I'm headed back to college. I know I will love living in the city once I've graduated, but for now, the positively rural Messiah College is good enough for me. 

Concerning next semester, I will quite possibly die. THREE English courses, ONE History course with a reading-crazy prof, and poor pathetic Intro to Wellness. Plus two jobs, one at the Writing Center (hopefully, if they'll have me) and my old one mopping floors in Kline. Yes, Internet, I am going to die. Or I'll just have to stop procrastinating. And have no social life.

Speaking of my social life (sort of), Sunday night I watched The Return of the King with my friend Dave. It was so great to talk about how Shelob was out of place and the Silmarillion and how they screwed with Faramir's character and have someone understand what I mean! It's nice to find a fellow Ringer (am I allowed to use that word? I'm not sure I'm hardcore enough).

While I'm home for break (a mere four days), I need to get some serious reading done. I have a book review due Thursday, a presentation on another paper the same day, and a book review next Wednesday. Also my resume must get done, at all costs. I've got to get that submitted for a summer internship in Philly!

I am going to venture out tomorrow, on Black Friday, in search of a dress for the MCPC banquet thing next Saturday. Don't talk to me about spending extra money. Just don't even go there. Please do pray for me though, wandering amongst the crazy crowds on the day after Thanksgiving.

Four days!!

Until I am home! I've tried not to count. It just makes me more anxious. But no more. I can't wait!

Hello and Good Night

Hi! It's late. But I remembered that I meant to post today, and I knew I would feel guilty if I didn't. I also had things of substance to discuss, such as the absolute self-absorption of many of the characters in Mansfield Park. I picked it up today after an absence of about two months, closer to three I think. But as I said, it's late. Meaning I can't discuss literature coherently. At least if there is only a computer to participate in the conversation. The lateness of the hour is also the reason for all the fragments. Apologies.

Words, words, words...

I'm so sick of words!

Name that musical, anyone?

I'm sensing I should write a blog post, but I'm not really sure what I should talk about. I am so completely over the stress of last week. I think I will remember last week for the rest of my life, not only for the historical election*, but also for the mountain of work I had to get through and the couple huge decisions I had to make. It's over now and I made it. Yay me!

Ummm, so I watched season one of The Office Friday and yesterday. I'm craving more, which has led to my purchase of three season two episodes on iTunes. Not quite sure how the quality part is going to work out, but I'm pretty sure the deprivation of sleep resulting from the long download time will not serve me well tomorrow.

Also, tomorrow (today) morning I will attempt something which has only been successfully achieved once before (Friday morning, actually). I want to wake up early to write a paper, rather than write it tonight. Shocking procrastination, I know. What you don't know is, this paper was actually due Thursday, but I got an extension from my gracious professor based on the sleep deprivation and stress of last week which I have already mentioned.

May I just say, as gracious as my professor is, the questions I have to choose from for the paper most emphatically ARE NOT GOOD [insert your choice descriptive word please; mine would have been suck, but I shouldn't use that word so much]. So I am not looking forward to stretching this essay into 3-5 pages.

After that, I have a relatively easy week academically, although there is a lot I have to do otherwise. Like schedule classes for next semester, get a job for next semester, write my resume, apply for summer internships, etc.

Upon posting this blog, the Office download read: 20 minutes remaining - I must remain awake!

*The results of which I am perfectly fine with, even happy about, by the way

It sucks to be an adult

You have to make all these decisions. No parents tell you what to do anymore. And no, I'm not talking about the election. Although that's a decision I haven't made yet either. That's all.

Happy Halloween!

Also, the Phillies won the World Series!!!

I do not, however, have a costume. Nor did I go to the celebration parade downtown today. I had class. Today Elijah Anderson is speaking on his book Code of the Streets, which all the Messiah students in Philadelphia were supposed to read. So I'm sort of killing time until dinner by watching the third season of The Office. :D Also, less than 24 hours until my mom comes to visit. Yay!

Craziness

So the past month, really the past two weeks, have been absolutely insane. Seriously. I'm still in the middle of midterms, but what is worse than midterms is the frenzy before midterms. Because for some reason professors think it's okay to assign papers a week before the exam. A week before the exam! I haven't been to lecture in one class for two weeks, just so I can get all the reading done for all my other classes. Sorry, US Survey, unfortunately due to your GEC status, you're the first thing on my list to get cut.

In any case, I spent this weekend with some friends. I was expecting to not do any homework and come back more stressed than ever, but I hadn't seen them since May, so it needed to be done. However, it was a very refreshing time. I actually did some reading (Henry IV), but I didn't stress about it, and I had fun just generally wandering around. It was so good to be able to be with them again, after a summer and half a semester out of their lives. It made me look forward to going back to main campus in the spring.

So, things in Philadelphia are slowly getting better and less hectic. Or rather, I find myself slowly realizing that I can, in fact, do the hectic double major thing. When I added English, I didn't quite grasp how much reading I was condemning myself to, particularly when paired with History. This semester I've been a little overwhelmed. But at the same time, I know that I made the right decision. Never once has there been a doubt in my mind that I'm supposed to be studying literature and history. It fits me, and that is a very satisfying thought.

Three things I have discovered recently:
1) Transitioning from the city to a rural campus will be much more difficult than I anticipated.
2) As stated above, I can do this crazy college life. (there's been some doubt)
3) The heater behind my desk makes a nice place for my feet to rest.

On that toasty note, I must return to The Faerie Queene, although on a side note, the further I get into the story, the more disappointed I am that the Monty Python boys did not take advantage of this plot(s). One character, Florimell, does nothing but scream and run from both real and imaginary foes through several books and cantos. Such a missed opportunity.

Amen for Weekends!

Um, wow. I did not know that so much stress and tiredness could be crammed into one week. Really. I don't mean to whine, but what a crappy week. First off, I didn't get my weekend sleep because I was at my grandparents' house, and there were multiple family issues to be dealt with. Also, it's ridiculously hard to do homework at their house. So, I started the week exhausted with no homework done. So I have spent the whole week trying to catch up on homework and sleep, rather unsuccessfully until today. Also, either fall allergies or a horrendous cold decided to kick in around Wednesday. Enough.

Now, I have reason to celebrate. It is Grantham's fall break, and four of my friends (all whom I love dearly) decided to come visit me! Yay! I can't wait for them to get here.

Also, there is a gospel concert tonight, organized by my friend Calvin, and it should be a very refreshing worship experience.

Ohh the boredom

So, once again, school is calling my name. This time, however, I am determinedly ignoring that call. I have my first paper to write, and I really don't want to. Unfortunately, I am also not in the mood for the topic I was last writing about. It's just been kind of a blah weekend, I guess.

Ummm, sorry, this is a boring post.

It's Started

School. It's finally started. And you know what I mean too. It's the point when all the classes have everything due at once, whether it be readings, papers, or projects. It's the point when I think, "When will this be over?" but also the point that I live for. <--blatant copyright infringement of a particular commercial, you get to guess who :)

So yeah, life has been going pretty well. I got out of the city for the weekend; I stayed at my uncle's house north of Philly, and may I say it was very interesting. Already I could tell how much I had adjusted to city life. It felt weird not to shove my bag out of sight or put THE CLUB on the steering wheel when I got out of the car.

I was offended when, in a song powerpoint in church, they had a picture of a crowded subway behind lyrics that went something like, "This world is a dangerous place" etc, and they had rolling meadows and peaceful oceans behind the lyrics, "God, you're always there." Can't you find God in the city? I have encountered God in ways that I'm sure many people from the suburbs could not imagine.

Please don't misunderstand me. I grew up in the suburbs, and half my extended family lives in basic wilderness. God is completely there. But I think there are prevailing rumors, for lack of a better term, about the city that are completely false. One that I completely subscribed to is the idea that you can't find a theologically sound church in the city. The reason so many Christians think God isn't in the city is because he looks so different here. Because of where they live and what they have to deal with, Christians who may have the exact same theology as you manifest it in an entirely different way.

And now I've gotten myself into a whole world of trouble. School is calling my name. I will post now, with a very incomplete post, and hopefully return, if not tonight, tomorrow and finish my thoughts. Until then!

Huzzah!

Because it is Sunday night, I am sure that pretty much every college student is now doing what I am doing. Procrastinating over the homework that is due tomorrow morning. However, I will stop procrastinating after I announce to you this glorious fact. My wireless internet now works!! Huzzah!

Don't Get Too Excited

I don't want you to get used to this post every other day now. I'm still waiting for classes to get rolling, and I find myself watching lots of youtube.

I guess I've realized what an idiot I can be sometimes. I was so excited about living in Philly (still am, trust me), and I was making all of these plans (again, still am), that I was a little taken aback when I felt homesick for Messiah. I miss my friends most of all. Also, the tiny (HUGE) part of me that is a dork misses my professors. I had worked out their quirks and I understood their senses of humor. Then I got an email today from the lady who works out internships in Philly reminding me to pray about next semester, because I had told her I definitely wanted to stay in Philly. It was sad how surprised I was at that. "Wait, pray? Oh yeah, there's that whole thing about asking God what he wants me to do. Oops." So today I just got a tap on the shoulder, reminding me that actually, my life isn't all about me (surprising, isn't it?).

Anyways, the thing about the beginning of school is that it's boring. First you have to go through all the syllabi, and then, especially if it's a gen-ed history class, you have to get past all the introductory stuff, which is double boring, especially for majors. Plus, right off the bat, one class today was cancelled and one tomorrow is too, so I have a whole three classes in two days.

I know, I know, two days ago I was whining about how crazy things were, and how I couldn't wait for things to slow down, but can't I change my mind? Besides, subconsciously, I think I was longing for a different kind of crazy, not a lack of it altogether. I'm sure in a month when I have three papers and a midterm all due on the same day I will retract that statement. But for now it's how I feel. Also, I'm on call this weekend, which means I can't leave campus = more boredom. Huzzah.

So as not to leave on such a whiny note (at least I'm admitting I'm a brat), I just bought Beyonce's Irreplaceable on iTunes! I love that song for some reason I haven't actually thought about yet.

Random Generic Title

I never know what to title these posts, but I always feel like I have to, because I hate when the text from the post turns into the title.

Now that my compulsive statement of the day is taken care of, an update. First day of classes today!! Despite the great time I had with the student life staff last week, I have been looking forward to this day for quite a while, for one particular reason: I will be less busy. Please, take a moment and consider the logic of what I just said. It truly boggles the mind.

For some reason I always seem to get the obligatory classes on Tuesday Thursday, and the truly enjoyable ones Monday Wednesday Friday. Today was pretty good. My urban theology prof is (no other description is possible here) an adorable grandpa, but the Force tells me that he is also a genius. The class promises to be a lot of work, but also very interesting. Saturday we are taking a trip all the way down Germantown Pike in order to see how the neighborhoods change. Exciting, no?

Also, 19th century American Fiction was interesting. Before the class started I had a very weird moment, because it is located on the 11th floor of one of the buildings. I looked out the window and saw the skyline of Philadelphia and thought, "Am I really here?? How did this happen to me?" It just served to remind me that you really never know what God has in store for you.

Anyways, the classis taught by a Temple grad student who informed us with a straight face that if we were planning on using SparkNotes at all, we should just get out. Perfectly understandable, of course, and the expression of disgust on his face made the English/history snob in me very happy.

The reason that I call these two classes obligatory is not because I think they will be boring. It's just that I do have to take them, and there are many other classes I would rather take...such as World War II which starts tomorrow!!!!!! Strategy, generals' egos and battles galore! So I'm a tad bit excited about that class, and also about my medieval Brit Lit class, which looks amazing. My one other class tomorrow is a US history survey course, which looks ridiculously easy compared to Messiah courses, but obviously, now that I've said that, I will fall on my face during the first exam.

And sadly, after a summer of getting to bed early and getting up early for work, I have almost effortlessly returned to the "procrastinate and stay up late" lifestyle, which is a testament to my true nature as a night owl, which is also very appropriate as the Temple mascot is the Owl!

More later on cities, jobs, and hmm...perhaps roommates? We shall see.

Busy, busy, busy

Wow, I have SO MUCH to blog about now, but I have SO LITTLE time to do it! Being an RA is hectic to say the least. Anyways, I have now met the other RAs, plus Ryan, the RD. They are all pretty much awesome, and if I keep this blog up, they will be making appearances definitely. We've been wandering around Philly for a couple of days, and I love it dearly.

My real reason for popping on here is to preserve a wonderful piece of humor, which hopefully, you see somewhere on here. Not quite sure about this formatting business. That bit of hilariousness was drawn by Frak, one of the hosts of PotterCast, and the writer of a wonderful blog as well.

Ok, I've got to split (where did that term come from and why am I using it now?), because, quite literally, my next three days are scheduled down to minutes, leaving no time to get done the millions of things I have to get done.

New city, new thoughts

Here I am in Philadelphia! My window overlooks Broad Street and I have my new box fan going full blast. I can hear the traffic outside, because my windows are propped open, and already I recognize the rumble of the train underneath the building and the beep of the blind crosswalk. I'm meeting my RD Ryan and a couple of the other RAs for Chinese in 20 minutes, but I thought I would jot down a quick entry.

Dad and I squeezed into a sell-out Phillies game yesterday in the nosebleed section, but watching the Phanatic's antics and cheering for Pat Burrell made it great. We took the train there and back and while it wasn't horrible, NYC's is definitely cleaner and slightly less scary.

This afternoon after Dad left, I finished unpacking, and then I took a walk to find the buildings where my classes will be. They weren't hard to find at all, and it also was a very pretty walk.

Ok, I have to get ready, but I'm sure I'll have plenty to write about later. RA training is this wekk!

The down side

I really hate having to work so early in the morning. I thought that changing from night shift would mean I could do stuff at night, but nope. I have to get a good night's sleep so I won't die the next day. I guess it's really frustrating because a bunch of friends are getting together tonight, and a couple are leaving tomorrow for school, and I can't go. *blows air out in a huff*

Hello again!

Hey there Internet! I guess it's been almost a month since my last post. I've been really busy with work and other things. My youth group had their mission week successfully, so now the only big thing left is my trip to Florida and Ohio! I leave next week and I'm so excited!

Anyways, I just thought I would let you know I'm still alive. I've got things to do, Office episodes to watch :)

Weirdest Week Ever

Wow. These past 10 days have been some of the strangest in my life. Not like abnormal, grotesque weird kind of strange, but big-things-are-happening-all-at-once-and-it's-weird kind of strange. Some of them I will be sharing with you, dear Internet, and some I will not (no offense).

First off, my great-grandmother died and I attended my first funeral. Then my grandma moved out. She had been living with us for various reasons, and made a sudden decision to live with her husband again. It was kind of a shock for all of us, but it's done now.

What I feel is probably the biggest thing is the sudden absence in my heart of a desire I have had for a long time. Although it's not really an absence, just a severe deintensification of that desire, although I don't think that's an accurate description either, not least of all because I don't think deintensification is a word. For a long time I have had an overwhelming desire to be married. I know it's a little weird, but I grew up with Beauty and the Beast and Lord of the Rings (there are some pretty epic love stories in there!). Also, my parents provided what I must say (in a totally unbiased manner of course) is one of the best examples of marriage out there. Why wouldn't I want to get married? To have a person love you enough to spend the rest of their life with you is the ultimate blessing, in my opinion, one that I thought I didn't have.

I'm beginning to realize that the lesson that God has been nudging at me, and occasionally outright shoving, for a while is that he loves me not just with a cliche "Jesus loves me, this I know" childlike love. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with the unconditional love of a child, but most of the time, children don't recognize the faults of those they love. You might object and say, "Jesus doesn't recognize our faults either. He's forgiven them," but that's not the way I see it at all. God loves us and pursues us in spite of our faults, and in some cases because of them. For instance, my brother is extremely stubborn (a trait that I share), and in some arguments we've had, nothing could be worse. He refuses to admit that he's wrong (or that I'm right) even when the evidence is staring him in the face. On the other hand, he also has a strong sense of justice, which has made him stubborn against things happening at school and elsewhere that he knows is not right. My point is, God not only recognizes our faults, but he utilizes them by guiding us through events that we might not have been able to survive without the faults he created us with. It's hard for me to explain how real God's love is to me now. It's thick, it's deep, it's tangible. He cherishes me. He loves me with passion. Regrettably, that is not a word you hear often in Sunday School.

The bottom line is that I have realized that, far better than any human companion (although I think Mr. Darcy might come close :D), God is going into the relationship with a full comprehension of the person I am, and he will never stop cherishing me. In other words, I am beginning to learn to let myself be fulfilled through God alone. Trust me, I am extremely aware of and sorry for how cheesy and sappy this all is, but I can't help it. I've got into a habit that I want you to try. Everytime you do something stupid or make yet another mistake or you're just having a bad day, just whisper to yourself, "The God of the universe loves me." Meditate on that, or in less elegant language, chew on that. Understand that the 'me' that you are talking about is a 'me' with innumerable faults and sins to account for, and that the 'love' that you are talking about is a love so passionate and so undeniable that God in essence split himself, he sacrificed his Son to save you.

Wow. Didn't mean for that to turn into a sermon. I just start writing and it keeps on coming.

Anyways, I meant to write about both Nemesis and Crime and Punishment, but that will have to be another entry. I am rather tired, and there is work in the morning.

Night all!

Whatever - I can't think of titles

I thought I would say a quick hello, as I promised a post Monday, and it is now Wednesday (not that you're disappointed or anything :)). I sort of vaguely hinted at my troubles at getting into Crime and Punishment. I think it's just being lazy. I think I'm on the third chapter now? Not great progress if I expect to get through a whole shelf in a month and a half and this is only my third book in six weeks. However, I will buckle down and read tomorrow on my break, and hopefully after. I am also beginning to learn French, so even if I'm not reading, I'm not being totally unproductive.

However, I did say this must be quick, and I am now going to make good on my promise to buckle down and read. I know, I'm not rambling for paragraphs on end, slightly disappointing, but there will be some rambling next time!

Until then!

Hello again!

As I so aptly titled my last post (and I say that with extreme modesty), life does indeed go on. Since I last communicated with you, dear Internet, much has occurred. My great-grandmother (my dad's grandma) has died, and my parents are currently in Roanoke sorting through things. I know that Dad and his sister were the sole beneficiaries, but I really have no clue what that means. Basically I think they get all the chores.

Is that a horrible attitude to have about death? Life goes on? I mean, I am sure Grandmother will be missed, but she was in pain, and we could see that a year or so ago. It was a slow decline into congestive heart failure, and while I'm not sure it was the horrible, terrifying torture that description of a year in pain implies, it is a bit of a relief to know that it's over for her.

In other news, I completed Emma about a week ago, I think, and have since read another book. Emma was really excellent, as I would expect from Austen. Emma and Mr. Knightley made great counterparts, and all of my favorite parts of the book involved them. I also found a line that is a great example of Austen's humor, and a great piece of writing.

"Mr. Knightley seemed to be trying not to smile; and succeeded without difficulty upon Mrs. Elton's beginning to talk to him."

Even if you know nothing of the two characters involved, it is funny.

Tomorrow my brother, sister and I are joining my parents in Roanoke, so I will try to post again Monday. I have to discuss the other book I read, Nemesis, by Agatha Christie, and my difficulties in beginning Crime and Punishment.

Until then!

Life Goes On

How do you do? For some reason I'm thinking My Fair Lady right now. No clue why.

Ok, so the last entry was pretty intense, but it's ok. I just needed to get all that out.

So what's been going through my mind since then? I tell you, my life is boring. Work and sleep, basically. I'm settling in on day shift at CFA, which was a little awkward at first, but it's good now. I am also getting into Emma, and I am very glad things are turning out this way. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't like something Jane Austen wrote. As an English major, I might have had to shoot myself. Also as an English major, I ought to be ashamed that I haven't read every word Austen ever wrote by now. (That's why I have my summer reading shelf.) Is that what I should use this blog for? Should I post my thoughts after my reading of books? I usually read on my break, so I guess I could think about it for the rest of work and then post when I get home. Perhaps.

Have I complained about the weather on here yet? I hope not for your sake, because you're about to hear it again. IT IS FREAKING HOT. 90s - 100s every day, into the evenings. Also, our air conditioning works, but not quite properly, because it is now...(I am checking the thermostat)...81 degrees inside the house. 81 degrees!! And I don't think it's going to be fixed anytime soon, because apparently lots of people are having issues with the heat, and the AC man is booked.

Another question: have I mentioned that it is my goal to teach myself French? Depending on school stuff, I will have to be able to at least read it and German, but I don't have the money or the time to take classes. So Rosetta Stone is my friend this summer. We just bought it on eBay, and I am impatient for it to arrive. I miss school, and my nerd-self needs an outlet besides reading.

I have more to say to you, Internet, but I will save it for another day. What would happen if I ran out of things to say? No, better to say too little than too much. Now I am going to bed before midnight, which is unheard of, especially since I get to sleep in tomorrow. Hurray for days off!

Struggles

Now, when I said until Friday, I was thinking it was Wednesday, and not Thursday, so really, I'm only a day late. Are you convinced? :)

I have to go read and see what I said about Emma. I don't think I've read much more. Hmm, I was very brief last time. I suppose that is because I was watching a movie at the time. I actually have an episode of The Office up right now, but it's not playing.

I've been having a pretty tough time recently, adjusting to life at home. I guess a lot of what college is about is doing stuff on your own, but I took that a little too far in trying to deal with some issues on my own that were impossible. All these issues (which shall remain description-less because the internet has a big mouth) have just been hanging over my head and making me miserable. And when I say I was trying to do things on my own, I mean I was trying to do them without God. I was convinced that I was smart enough to fix my life without him, and that was just really, really stupid. Now I am exhausted in emotionally and spiritually.

I don't like the expression that things all came to a head, because it sounds so dramatic, like there was some huge conversion experience or whatever, but that's what's coming to mind. I guess since being home and back with people who I know love me, I realized that I wanted to come back different, but I wanted to make sure it was differences for the better, and I knew that some differences in particular were not good.

So that's been hanging over my head for quite a while, and I knew God was (to use another over-dramatic expression) knocking on my door, hoping that I would let him fix things instead of it all eventually collapsing in on me. I guess I just sort of gave in today. We had communion and to be honest, it's not usually that big of a deal, but I knew I shouldn't be taking it with all this stuff still going on, and I just was thinking over and over again that I was tired. Tired of the cycle of (I might as well call it what it is) sin I was in, and tired of trying to hide it from everyone, including God.

I don't want this whole thing to narrow down to something like, "I learned today blah blah blah" from Sunday School, because that's just stupid. I guess I just realized, meaning God shoved it in my face, that I don't have to be perfect, that as a human, I am just going to have sin in my life. That doesn't mean that it's right or okay, but it also doesn't mean that I should expect to eradicate it completely. I mean, I spent a long time beating myself up over things that shouldn't have been in my life. I would try to fix it, and maybe it would work for a few days, or even weeks, but inevitably, I would let it back in, and inevitable, I called myself a hypocrite, a liar. I felt like a complete failure every single time. Another feeling that I never want to feel again (but I'm sure I will) was the loneliness. I didn't have my family or my church, but like I said before, I was doing this without God. I mean, he never left me, of course, but when I was so focused on what a failure I was, it was kind of hard to see that.

Whew! I know that probably none of that made sense at all. I normally hate it when people post stuff like this on the internet, because frankly, it's not the internet's business. It's just, a lot of my problems came from not being honest about what I'm struggling with, and if I admit out loud/on paper/computer that I'm not perfect, I feel like it will be easier to deal with. And I am all talked out, so I think I will watch that episode of The Office and then go to bed.

Oh, and don't worry that every entry is going to be so melodramatic and such from now on. I really do get very annoyed with people who do that. So anyways. Night!

So was I supposed to post yesterday?? Hah, oops. I suppose I'm not very good at keeping my word. Apologies.

Work is going very well. I've never worked so much before, and it's very exhausting. Life at home consists of food, books and sleep. I miss working at night, but it's really nice to get home and have stuff to do besides sleep. My day off on Wednesday brought a ridiculous amount of fiendish glee with the knowledge that I could sleep past 7 AM. Also that I wouldn't have to deal with any obnoxious people.

We're watching A New Hope right now, and Luke is looking dramatically into the red sunset. His hair is slightly too long in this movie for my taste, but then it gets way too short in the next one.

I've read a few more chapters of Emma. I think I've decided that it's the character Emma that I don't like, and not the book in general. She's manipulative and vain, and intent on fixing everyone's lives to suit her, which guarantees that it will not suit them.

Yay for Obi-Wan! I guess he's Ben now. This is the first movie I saw Alec Guinness in, and even though I didn't know he was such a great actor, his experience sort of translated onto the screen. It's possible that Ben/Obi-Wan is my favorite character. I love that we see the young and old character.

Ok, my computer has to install an update, so I must say goodbye. I will set a date for my next post, or otherwise I will take much longer than I ought. Until Friday!

I hope you can forgive me, Internet, for going back on my word yesterday. I don't really have an explanation for it, except I just didn't feel like it. Also I was readjusting to church at night, which does not happen at school.

Anyways, when I promised you literary thoughts, I was thinking I would have made some headway with Emma but I haven't really. I've read several chapters, but not enough to make a judgment. I have every intention of finishing it, purely because it's Jane Austen, even if it doesn't become my new favorite (which is the standard I have for every book, I'm always disappointed if it doesn't).

But I was watching Carousel today, and I do have some story-focused thoughts for you. Why is it that old movies are considered classics? The acting style is generally horrible, at least by today's standards, but they are still classics. Why? Is it the story? Were the plots just so incredible that they shone through mediocre, falling-apart-with-age everything else? In some cases, I think so. One of my favorite stories ever is from The Shop Around the Corner, the Jimmy Stewart movie that You've Got Mail is based on. I absolutely love that movie, but for purely romantic reasons. Many of the older movies that survive today revolve around love, because it is the universal language. I was sort of thinking this post through in my head and I realized just how many cliches I was in danger of using, but it's certainly true. There are different reasons films survive time, but I suppose the main reason is that people still relate to them. I guess my conclusion was rather more simple than I thought it would be. I am a tad bit underwhelmed.

But still, movies like South Pacific or Gone With the Wind have such ridiculous plots and characters. How can we still relate to them?

So that's my intellectual pondering. Tomorrow it is back to serving chicken and being nice to obnoxious people who don't deserve it at Chick-Fil-A. I have Wednesday off though! Maybe I will describe some work experiences. Maybe not.

Ten days of lazy busyness

I would just like you to know that I have been planning this entry for about four days, and I certainly did not intend that it should be ten days until my next post. So don't be angry. In fact, you should be very grateful. I worked at CFA from 8 to 4 today, and right now I am laying on my back, with my head propped up and my feet and knees throbbing. It's a little odd typing with my laptop on my stomach, but that's how much you mean to me, Internet.

It was a good day at work today, despite the throbbing. I made friends with the breakfast shift, and the owner (!) of the store told me I was doing a good job during the lunch rush. I'm working again tomorrow from 8 to 1 (do I get a break? that is...5 hours, so yes) because they needed help for breakfast. It'll be good to work again - meaning it'll be good to have money again.

In other news, I am to be a Resident Advisor come fall! Very official sounding? No, I know it's no big deal, but I'm glad I got the job. Hopefully it won't be too time consuming so I can get another work study. Although I do want to enjoy myself in Philadelphia.

In other OTHER news, my padre is returning from the Middle East after a five month deployment. Huzzah! Of course I am super excited. His flight is landing some time tonight, the time is varying, and we have to go pick him up in Norfolk.My mom has been saying that after he gets back, her response to every question will be "Go ask your father." I really don't think she's joking on that one.

Ok, I am going to say goodbye, because I have to shower at some point before we leave for the airport. I'm also hungry. I will post on Sunday. Maybe I will have some literary thoughts for you!

Until then!

An Official Update

Hello, Internet!

I know that I have neglected you the past few days, and I sincerely apologize. I had to pack, study, take all my finals, drive home, and then unpack it all again! It's been extremely busy.

So anyways, I am home, and I am enjoying it so far. I have been very productive (cleaning my room, unpacking, etc.), but there's a thought in the back of my mind that says I can't be this good forever. It's very possible that this necessity to be busy is from being in a new place. I'm sure it will die off eventually, and I will go back to being my wonderful, procrastinating self.

We went to Chick-Fil-A for an early dinner tonight, and I talked to my old manager, Robert. Rachel and I will be working together this summer! I'll probably start work in a week or so. I want to start as early as I can so I don't get lazy and then have to...get unlazy all over again. I really need to work a lot because I'm planning on going to Florida to visit Jackie and I think I will end up having to pay for it all (meaning my parents won't be contributing). That's fine though, because it will only end up being one or two paychecks out of I don't know how many, and that's the only big thing I have this summer.

I just checked online to see if my grades were posted. It is one of the many times I will do that, to be sure. I think the deadline for professors is next week, and I'm sure they will take as long as possible, with the evil intentions of keeping all the students in suspense.

I'm wondering what church tonight will be like. I think all my class is home, at least the ones who go to DBC, and it'll be interesting to see how things are. This is something we talked a lot about at school. How we're all completely different people than we were in the fall, and how people at home might not understand that, and how we had to be careful not to give in to pressure to fall into old habits. Not that those habits were necessarily bad (although some of mine were), it's just that that's not who I am now, and I don't particularly want to go back. You know what I mean. When you haven't been around someone in a long time, it's very natural to behave the way you always did around them. I know this will sound terribly arrogant and snobbish and pompous, but I can't help it. I've figured out who I am at school, but I haven't figured out how that translates to home yet. Urgh, this is frustrating. Please tell me you understand!

Ok, well, I haven't quite figured out (once again) what I'm going to talk about here during the summer, because, as you may or may not know, Internet, I have no life! I don't want to bore you with a whole lot of nothing (Quote, anyone?).

So, I will next post...Friday night. I am driving my grandma down to North Carolina that day, and tomorrow I have an interview for a job in Philadelphia in the fall, so I will have plenty to talk about. And! I have been remiss in keeping you updated on the latest encouragement of the nerd/dork part of my personality. Prince Caspian premieres on Friday!! Sadly, I will not be at the midnight premiere, but I plan to see it as soon as I can find someone to go with me. Although I will go even if no one does. Because I'm cool like that.

I digress. Until Friday!

Quick note

I just thought I ought to say that I am now home, and have been for several hours, and am very happy about it, despite what you may have read below.

Anyways. I'm tired. Good night.

A Tribute to Roommates

Hello! I just finished my last paper of the semester (more like an hour ago), and I really should be studying for the exam I have at 10:30 tomorrow, but I missed my blog!

It has come to my attention that of the eight (now nine) posts in May, the majority are full of sentimental, sad content. Well...get ready for some more, and before I hear any complaining, Internet, let me remind you that I am an 18-year-old female at the end of her first year of college. It is my JOB to be sentimental. So there.

My walls are now bare, except for two posters and a picture frame. Even the curtains are down. It's very sad. Lana and I participated in the midnight scream again tonight, and then she said something about how it was both a beautiful and a painful moment because she knew she would be thinking back on it and wishing for it again. See, tonight is her last night. It's our last night as roommates! This is indeed sad, because let me tell you, we have absolutely nothing in common, and yet we have managed to make our relationship work. She's so great and I love her dearly. Another sad thing is that, due to conflicting schedules, we won't really see each other until our junior year!! How crazy is that?? We've got into a habit with each other, and now we have to do it all over again with different people! Blah. Not cool.

Sad Day

*sniff* All my books are packed!

Static

So I'm in the student union working on my paper and I've hit writer's block. Got any inspiration for me, Internet?

I had my Bible exam today, and it seriously took me less than 15 minutes. One down, four to go!

I guess I could talk about the play I saw last night. That's good and pondering.

It was called "Between Two Chairs." It was written and performed by Valerie Smith, a theatre professor I had last semester. She has a young son, Jude, and an elderly father living with Alzheimer's. The play is about obssession with memory gained (Jude) and memory lost (her father). It was very well done, and I liked it, but it's the kind of thing I can't give my opinion on until I get my head wrapped around it. I thought it would be sad, but it was more intriguing than anything else. Val talked about the inverse relationship between the destruction of the mind that her father is experiencing and the expansion of the mind that her son is experiencing. There is an actual connection between the two, and for the past couple of years, she's been obsessed with it.

The play began with a recording of Valerie interviewing her father, asking a series of questions leading up to a heartbreaking one: Do you have any children? He answered no. She also interviewed Jude, and that recording prompted a lot of laughs, listening to the gurgling of a three or four year old. Interestingly, there were similarities in Jude's and Mr. Flower's answers. Neither of them knew the date, the year or the season. Both of them wanted to know what town they were in. The tone, however of the interview, was incredibly different. Jude was curious, and if he didn't know, he knew his mom would tell him. It was the promise of a life beginning. Val's father had an ongoing tone of helplessness, as if he were more and more disappointed with each question he couldn't answer. It was the dreaded anticipation of a life ending.

Valerie has done a huge amount of research before writing this play, so I can't expect myself to understand everything that she does. There is a connection that she only briefly mentioned that I would like to research myself. It's the connection between ritual and memory. I wrote my final paper in her class on ritual, and it is absolutely fascinating to me. It's still so vague, though. I really have no idea where to go with it.

Ok, I'm glad I wrote that down. Now, back to my paper.

Sentimental Drivel

I promised I would post today, didn't I? It is now 11:43, so I thought I should go ahead and do it.

Today was a good day. I slept late, but not too late, and then Lauren, Suzanne, Charity, Lana and I all went to Panera for lunch. It was a nice day for memories. Good conversation, good food, and good people. Sorry, I guess I'm just feeling sappy because Lauren's moving out on Saturday, and I won't see her until January.

This has been a good year. I am most definitely not the person I was when I arrived, and I think it's for the better. Wow, I'm just thinking about the great friends I have. I won't see Lana or Suzanne for a whole year! I'll be in Philadelphia in the fall, Suzanne will be in Germany in the spring, and Lana will be in Thailand in the spring.

It is not good that I am depressing myself. I still have to write a chunk of my Women and Gender paper tonight. Plus my Bible final is tomorrow. Cheer up, Coon!

I recognize that my writing is very stream-of-consciousness, and I'm probably not explaining how I feel about my friends and the end of the year properly. I guess I just feel pulled between two homes. I live with my friends, so of course I love them, and I don't want to say goodbye to them. I love my family and I miss them, and I definitely do not want to stay on campus a minute longer than I have to! I am ready to go home, but it also means the end of my life here.

I've spent 9 months away from my parents and away from everything that formed into the person that I am. And now I'm going back to my old life. We've talked a lot about our fears of being pressured to fit into the mold that we left in the fall. We've all changed, some more drastically than others, but we know that a lot of people at home won't be expecting that. I'm not worried about my parents. Just from recent conversations with my mom, I can tell that things will be easier with her than they have been. Not that it's all depending on how she reacts. I've changed for the better I think, and I can express myself better, so I don't think we'll get into quite as many arguments.

Ok, Internet, I'm going to tell you something. Don't laugh. I've had this question bouncing around in my head for a long time, and I need to ask someone, even if that someone is non-responsive. Here it is.

When can I call myself a woman?

Seriously! I'm still a teenager, but I am definitely growing up, and I feel like I'm closer to my adult self than my adolescent (that word doesn't really describe what I mean, but oh well) self. When does that transition take place? I think I will be freaked out the first time one of my parents says that. My RA referred to the floor as a 'group of women' the other day. It's not as weird when she says it, but it still gave me pause.

(Note: If you haven't turned on sappy, sentimental music by now, shame on you.)

I'm so ready for life to start for me, and I can feel it slowly gaining momentum. I just feel like how I make the transition from college to home is key for some reason.

Hah, ok, I just ran off for an hour and laughed myself silly with Lauren and Lana. There's this tradition at Messiah during finals week. It is 24 hour quiet hours, which means no normal college craziness. Except at midnight we all open our windows and scream. Tonight someone played Taps on their trumpet. Lana and I yelled, but Lauren didn't so we were ragging on her for being a loser. And we were just generally stupid for an hour. Broke quiet hours several times.

This has been a very good day. And now I must go do work.

Good night!

Wasting Time

Here I am in the computer lab in Boyer, doing what I do best. My Created and Called class was a review, so I have some extra time, and I thought I would post a blog!

Writing my FJN last night was good. Lots of people complain about how useless it was, and I agree with them to an extent. I think a lot of the class was really a waste of time. I did learn how to articulate exactly what I believe, though, and that is really valuable. All the introspective stuff was good as well. Anyways, I enjoyed writing it, and I really hope my professor enjoys reading it. If I didn't like writing a paper, I don't really care what reaction I get, but when a paper is this personal, and I really enjoy it, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach until I know what my grade is. It's like he's evaluating me along with the paper.

Moving on, I've still got another paper to finish (start) and a couple other assignments. By Wednesday I will be done with classes, and hopefully well on my way to being done with finals.

Until then!

Lazy Sundays

Well, I promised that I would write about church and finals. Sadly, all I have to write about church is that I did not go this morning. I've been to two churches consistently this year, and both of them have fundamental aspects that I am not happy with. One I feel is just a place for a social gathering. The second one is too denominationally exclusive. The sermons are filled with stuff that I see no point in talking about. Everyone there already agrees with it, so it's like we're congratulating ourselves for being correct. That is absolutely not the purpose of a church.

I know I sound incredibly picky and critical, but the people who are guiding me in my relationship with Christ can't be too carefully chosen, right? I really wish I could just (dork moment) apparate home every Sunday to my home, the place where I'm comfortable. Then again, I know that if I always stay in my comfort zone, I'll never grow.

Anyways, the long and short of the story is, I woke up somewhat late this morning, and I just couldn't bring myself to rush to get ready for a church service that I knew would leave me unfulfilled. So I didn't go.

Moving on, I was productive yesterday, and apparently that sent a subconscious signal to my brain that I didn't need to get anything done today. Which is not true. I've got my Faith Journey Narrative for Created and Called, which is actually somewhat fun to write, but once my mind gets out of the mood to write, it's hard to start again. I also need to write an analysis paper for Women and Gender, and work on a Jonah Bible study for my Bible class.

Finals will be tough, I think. I've got a ten page paper for Women and Gender, which, again, won't be so hard once I get started writing. I've also got a Religion and Science paper due next Monday and my World Civ final.

Wow, sorry, Internet. I didn't mean for you to become my homework planner. Haha, the term 'homework planner' brings to mind Hermione and "Do it today or tomorrow you'll pay!" I love Hermione. I pride myself a little on the resemblance between her and I. (Is it 'her and I' coincidentally? Or 'her and me'?)

Anyways, I need to get cracking on my FJN (it takes too long to type it all out), so I will see youuuuu....tomorrow? I'll tell you how my FJN went.

Until then!

Edit: Jackie assures me that it is indeed 'her and me,' so let above text stand corrected. :)

Doldrums

Hello Internet,

I promised you a post on Saturday, so here it is.

I went to Barnes & Noble today with my friend Charity, just to get off campus a bit and get some studying done. I read my last article for Women and Gender, and I started the final paper for the Created and Called class that Messiah makes every first year student take. Things are drawing to a close, I guess.

My roommate is doing service work tonight, so I have the room to myself. I thought I might watch a movie and start packing. I've got to move out myself as my dad's still in the Middle East, and my mom can't get off work to help. It'll be fine; I just have to be ready.

Sorry I'm not very interesting this post. I've got a headache and it's dreary out. It's just that sort of 'blah' day, you know? I'm worried about money too, I suppose. Not that I'm destitute or anything. Right now I don't have a job for the summer, so as soon as I get home, I have to go looking.

Wow, depressing post! Here's something that makes me giggle every time.

Now it's time for me to dig stuff out from under my bed and sort out what clothes to keep. I think My Fair Lady is a good cheerful, snobbish musical to watch tonight (I say snobbish in a very affectionate way).

Thanks for listening to my woes, Internet! I'll post tomorrow and talk about church and finals.

Until then!

Hallelujah!

Again, just time for a quick one.

I left my flash drive in the library on Wednesday, and then when I asked at the Lost and Found, it wasn't there. That usually means that whoever found it kept it, so I was bummed, to say the least. But I asked again today, and they had it!! Yay!! I was so relieved!!

Hello!

I just have time for a quick post before my 2 o'clock class. I slept in this morning (shame on me, I know), so then I had to rush to finish an assignment. These library keyboards tend to stick, so forgive me if something is misspelled and I don't correct it.

I had the pre-orientation meeting for Philadelphia last night, and I am even more excited about it than I was before. We will be living in five refurbished 19th century townhouses on Broad Street. The hallways are narrow and every room is unique. I have wanted to live in a row house like this ever since reading about Digory and Polly exploring in the attic of his row house in The Magician's Nephew. I am so excited! I spoke to my mom after the meeting, and we were both wondering if I would like living there better than the main campus. I think I will. I can spend as many semesters there as I want, except the history courses are very limited there, so at the most, I could spend two semesters. Next fall, and maybe next spring. We'll see. It's entirely possible that I will hate the anonymity, but I seriously doubt it. Even if I can't spend more than one semester there, I definitely want to pursue a career in the city, so I will get there eventually.

I have class tonight, and then lots of homework preparing for the weekend, so I will try and post again on Saturday. I have lots to do preparing for finals week.

Until then!

Time on My Hands

Hello again,

I have some time on my hands and thought I would make a quick post. I was browsing facebook (wonderful procrastinator that I am), and just catching up on what's going on with some people I went to high school with (creepy stalker that I am). I miss high school. Not that I don't love college. But there were some pretty cool people in my class, and in the class below me, that I didn't get to know very well. Messiah is all about community, but for all their talk, three thousand people with different interests is not very conducive to unity.

I love the movie Notting Hill for two reasons. One, Hugh Grant. Two, the scenes with his friends. They are amazing people. I can't even describe it. They have been together forever and they know each other inside and out. They are family. I have that relationship with maybe three people my age, and they all live at least 250 miles away from me. Granted, I will be reunited with two of them very soon, and I CAN'T WAIT.

But I am afraid that one day I will walk down the sidewalk to Lottie (our cafeteria) and see a bunch of acquaintances, a couple classmates, a couple girls from my floor last year, a couple people I go to church with, but no friends. No people I can have a conversation with without saying anything.

Now I know what you're thinking. If I can't deal with the anonymity of three thousand people, how the heck am I going to live in the city (any city) and be happy? I'm still figuring it out, but I am determined to make connections.

I also think that next semester in Philadelphia will be really good for me. There are only about fifty people going (so I've heard), and the administrators of the program make sure we do a lot together. I am really excited about getting to know the people and the city. Philadelphia is a beautiful, bizarre place, and I have some insight into the football culture (thanks to my uncles, and sometimes my mom), so I can appreciate it (mostly laugh at it).

Ok, so I really didn't have extra time. I have a pile of homework to do, and work in half an hour, but you are my number one priority right now. Doesn't that give you a warm, fuzzy feeling, Internet?

I'm not sure when I'll post next; I guess it will be whenever I have something to talk about. Until then!

It's a Good Day

Hello again!

I have to admit that I did have time to post yesterday, but I didn't. I ended up only getting four hours of sleep Sunday night, due to a multitude of circumstances, and I didn't really feel like doing anything coherent on Monday. I'm still catching up, but it has been an altogether good day.

Is it strange that I can relate everything to history? In my Religion and Science in Early America class (which is actually history), we talked about Thomas Jefferson, a fascinating leader who paradoxically was an abolitionist who owned slaves. (Did I impress you when I said "paradoxically"?) Then in Encountering the Bible, standard Messiah class, we talked about the historicity of the book of Jonah, and if the historical accuracy of the story affected the truth and the meaning of it. I am inclined to say no, but I still think that Jonah happened. I felt a lot more secure in that class today than I usually do, presumably because we were talking in historical terms, and that's the whole focus of college for me. It felt good to be able to hold my own in a discussion. I tend to be the conservative voice in that class, and it's not always well received, but today it was clear I knew what I was talking about. Yay!

Okay, enough bragging. Not that I think I am expert in any way. But of course you understand.

On perhaps another feel good note, I am listening to the Les Miserables cast recording. Currently "At the End of the Day." Poor Fantine. And yes, Internet, I am disgracing myself by singing along enthusiastically.

And I haven't typed anything for the past five minutes because I've been singing along. I'll save you the effort and say it myself. Dork.

Summer Plans

I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to balance a job (which I don't have yet), a mission trip to El Salvador, a visit to Florida with my friend Jackie (hi!), and any family stuff that my parents have yet to plan. It's been such a busy year for us. My first year of college, my mom has had an absolutely horrible year teaching kindergarten, which is not a nice thing to say about four year olds, but it's true. Also, my dad has spent January through May (he's still there) in Bahrain for the Air Force. The earliest he can get back is the week after I'm done, and we can't really do any vacation planning until we know when he'll be back. Sigh I have such a hard life. Please note the sarcastic tone.

I also am dreading a particular class tomorrow. There is a guest professor in my Women and Gender in History, and I've met her a couple times, and we do not exactly mesh. She'll be there on Wednesday too! It's just that I disagree with her on a principle (feminism) that she has based her whole career on, so we certainly weren't meant to be. I still have reading to do for that class too...

Ah well! Tomorrow promises to be fairly busy, so I'll check back in on Tuesday and let you know how the class went.

Until then!

Church time!

I went to church with my grandparents this morning, and the sermon was very good. It was based on 1 Corinthians 8, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite chapters. I recently wrote a paper on it, and it's very closely related to 1 Corinthians 10:13, which is one of my favorites as well. If I could scan in the notes I took, I would, but unfortunately, I'm not that high tech. I suppose I could type it though.

How can people who are so diverse and at this time so divided ever live, work, serve, and worship together in any type of real Christian unity or harmony? In this chapter Paul lays the foundation for addressing this question, the question he will deal with all the way through chapter 10.

This foundation has two essential "layers" that must be laid or steps that must be taken in our personal lives.

STEP ONE
We must confront our pride with exclusive love for God. (vs. 1-7)
1. The problem was/is... Knowledge without love fosters pride.
2. The answer was/is...remember by whom and for whom you were created.
STEP TWO
We must confront our pride with practical love for our brothers and sisters in Christ. (vs. 8-13)

And then I missed the rest because I was sleepy. Very devout, aren't I?

This chapter addresses one of the biggest issues in my life right now. I grew up in a Baptist church, private Christian school most of the time, and now I am at an Anabaptist college, where most, if not all, of the foundational beliefs I was raised on are at least considered doubtful, if not altogether rejected. How do I reconcile my upbringing with the new concerns that my education is creating within me?

I'm supposed to be folding laundry, so I can head back to campus after a weekend at my grandparents, but I wanted to get all this down before I forget or ignore it. I don't want to sound arrogant or anything, but there are some big issues that I have to think about. Things like the infallibility of the Bible, homosexuality, the role of women in church, pacifism. Does that sound like fun to you, Internet?

Plus, I give props to any college student who is involved in a church. I've never had to evaluate a church for myself before. I trusted my parents to choose for our family. Now I am on my own, and I am wary of being either too lax or too picky. Now I only have two Sundays in the semester left, and the results of my churchgoing adventures of nine months are that I know two churches that I will not be attending.

Let me just say as a sidenote that folding the fitted sheet for a bed is very complicated.

Maybe this is enough for now. I don't want to overwhelm you, Internet. Plus, I hear my grandma getting the cookie sheets out. :) Maybe I will post tonight, after I get back to campus.

Until then!

Beginning

Hello Internet!

So, I just need a place to put my thoughts. My first year of college is drawing to a close, and I'm trying to figure out who I am supposed to be. Just lots of...stuff in my life right now. Be prepared, Internet, this will not always be a happy blog. Although not to say it won't ever be happy either. I'm a pretty happy person.

Now, maybe a little basic information about me? Although I could put that in my profile.

18 (19 in July), female, family in Virginia, student at Messiah College, PA
History/English major (be prepared for some major dork moments here)

I want to write a longer post with more serious content later, but I'm watching Must Love Dogs, and it's hard to be thoughtful while I'm watching a chick flick (an unhealthy weakness I have).

Until then!