An Official Update

Hello, Internet!

I know that I have neglected you the past few days, and I sincerely apologize. I had to pack, study, take all my finals, drive home, and then unpack it all again! It's been extremely busy.

So anyways, I am home, and I am enjoying it so far. I have been very productive (cleaning my room, unpacking, etc.), but there's a thought in the back of my mind that says I can't be this good forever. It's very possible that this necessity to be busy is from being in a new place. I'm sure it will die off eventually, and I will go back to being my wonderful, procrastinating self.

We went to Chick-Fil-A for an early dinner tonight, and I talked to my old manager, Robert. Rachel and I will be working together this summer! I'll probably start work in a week or so. I want to start as early as I can so I don't get lazy and then have to...get unlazy all over again. I really need to work a lot because I'm planning on going to Florida to visit Jackie and I think I will end up having to pay for it all (meaning my parents won't be contributing). That's fine though, because it will only end up being one or two paychecks out of I don't know how many, and that's the only big thing I have this summer.

I just checked online to see if my grades were posted. It is one of the many times I will do that, to be sure. I think the deadline for professors is next week, and I'm sure they will take as long as possible, with the evil intentions of keeping all the students in suspense.

I'm wondering what church tonight will be like. I think all my class is home, at least the ones who go to DBC, and it'll be interesting to see how things are. This is something we talked a lot about at school. How we're all completely different people than we were in the fall, and how people at home might not understand that, and how we had to be careful not to give in to pressure to fall into old habits. Not that those habits were necessarily bad (although some of mine were), it's just that that's not who I am now, and I don't particularly want to go back. You know what I mean. When you haven't been around someone in a long time, it's very natural to behave the way you always did around them. I know this will sound terribly arrogant and snobbish and pompous, but I can't help it. I've figured out who I am at school, but I haven't figured out how that translates to home yet. Urgh, this is frustrating. Please tell me you understand!

Ok, well, I haven't quite figured out (once again) what I'm going to talk about here during the summer, because, as you may or may not know, Internet, I have no life! I don't want to bore you with a whole lot of nothing (Quote, anyone?).

So, I will next post...Friday night. I am driving my grandma down to North Carolina that day, and tomorrow I have an interview for a job in Philadelphia in the fall, so I will have plenty to talk about. And! I have been remiss in keeping you updated on the latest encouragement of the nerd/dork part of my personality. Prince Caspian premieres on Friday!! Sadly, I will not be at the midnight premiere, but I plan to see it as soon as I can find someone to go with me. Although I will go even if no one does. Because I'm cool like that.

I digress. Until Friday!

Sentimental Drivel

I promised I would post today, didn't I? It is now 11:43, so I thought I should go ahead and do it.

Today was a good day. I slept late, but not too late, and then Lauren, Suzanne, Charity, Lana and I all went to Panera for lunch. It was a nice day for memories. Good conversation, good food, and good people. Sorry, I guess I'm just feeling sappy because Lauren's moving out on Saturday, and I won't see her until January.

This has been a good year. I am most definitely not the person I was when I arrived, and I think it's for the better. Wow, I'm just thinking about the great friends I have. I won't see Lana or Suzanne for a whole year! I'll be in Philadelphia in the fall, Suzanne will be in Germany in the spring, and Lana will be in Thailand in the spring.

It is not good that I am depressing myself. I still have to write a chunk of my Women and Gender paper tonight. Plus my Bible final is tomorrow. Cheer up, Coon!

I recognize that my writing is very stream-of-consciousness, and I'm probably not explaining how I feel about my friends and the end of the year properly. I guess I just feel pulled between two homes. I live with my friends, so of course I love them, and I don't want to say goodbye to them. I love my family and I miss them, and I definitely do not want to stay on campus a minute longer than I have to! I am ready to go home, but it also means the end of my life here.

I've spent 9 months away from my parents and away from everything that formed into the person that I am. And now I'm going back to my old life. We've talked a lot about our fears of being pressured to fit into the mold that we left in the fall. We've all changed, some more drastically than others, but we know that a lot of people at home won't be expecting that. I'm not worried about my parents. Just from recent conversations with my mom, I can tell that things will be easier with her than they have been. Not that it's all depending on how she reacts. I've changed for the better I think, and I can express myself better, so I don't think we'll get into quite as many arguments.

Ok, Internet, I'm going to tell you something. Don't laugh. I've had this question bouncing around in my head for a long time, and I need to ask someone, even if that someone is non-responsive. Here it is.

When can I call myself a woman?

Seriously! I'm still a teenager, but I am definitely growing up, and I feel like I'm closer to my adult self than my adolescent (that word doesn't really describe what I mean, but oh well) self. When does that transition take place? I think I will be freaked out the first time one of my parents says that. My RA referred to the floor as a 'group of women' the other day. It's not as weird when she says it, but it still gave me pause.

(Note: If you haven't turned on sappy, sentimental music by now, shame on you.)

I'm so ready for life to start for me, and I can feel it slowly gaining momentum. I just feel like how I make the transition from college to home is key for some reason.

Hah, ok, I just ran off for an hour and laughed myself silly with Lauren and Lana. There's this tradition at Messiah during finals week. It is 24 hour quiet hours, which means no normal college craziness. Except at midnight we all open our windows and scream. Tonight someone played Taps on their trumpet. Lana and I yelled, but Lauren didn't so we were ragging on her for being a loser. And we were just generally stupid for an hour. Broke quiet hours several times.

This has been a very good day. And now I must go do work.

Good night!

Summer Plans

I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to balance a job (which I don't have yet), a mission trip to El Salvador, a visit to Florida with my friend Jackie (hi!), and any family stuff that my parents have yet to plan. It's been such a busy year for us. My first year of college, my mom has had an absolutely horrible year teaching kindergarten, which is not a nice thing to say about four year olds, but it's true. Also, my dad has spent January through May (he's still there) in Bahrain for the Air Force. The earliest he can get back is the week after I'm done, and we can't really do any vacation planning until we know when he'll be back. Sigh I have such a hard life. Please note the sarcastic tone.

I also am dreading a particular class tomorrow. There is a guest professor in my Women and Gender in History, and I've met her a couple times, and we do not exactly mesh. She'll be there on Wednesday too! It's just that I disagree with her on a principle (feminism) that she has based her whole career on, so we certainly weren't meant to be. I still have reading to do for that class too...

Ah well! Tomorrow promises to be fairly busy, so I'll check back in on Tuesday and let you know how the class went.

Until then!