We're off to see...

Well, here I am, going to England...

help!!

I feel slightly like the night before my dad and I left to drive up to school for the first time, when I was so nervous that I couldn't stop trembling. I'm pretty emotional right now for several reasons: one, I've dreamt about going to England for a long time. It's always been a sort of mythical place in my mind, because, obviously, that's where Narnia is! I know, I know - if I flounce off the plane with the camera flashing and my eyes sparkling, asking where Mr. Tumnus is, I will get eaten alive. So don't worry, Internet. I'll play it cool.

Two, I know that this term a lot of big decisions about post-college life (what???) must be made. Oxford is a great place to do that, but the fact that it's far away from home and school makes me nervous.

Along that same idea, with every step forward I take, I can feel myself growing up a little bit more, and it's sad! I'm really excited to see what I get to do in the next few years, but soon, my enjoyment of going home in between semesters will be dampened by the totally lame fact that there are no more semesters! I will be offered the choice of kicking myself out on my own or having it done for me by my (extremely loving) parents. Living for several months in another country (on another continent!) speeds up that process a lot, I think.

With that physical separation comes the natural worries for my family. If something horrible were to happen, I would have to drop everything. Not a pleasant idea, certainly, but there's really no choice to make. I already know what I would do.

On a totally different note, I am absolutely terrified of the academic work. But in a very good way. Basically, Oxford is going to kick my butt. There's no getting around it - it's going to happen - but frankly, I need it. At this point in my college career, I know what I want to do, which lets me automatically eliminate any effort not aimed at that. Not good! I'm hoping my research skills, which are seriously lacking at the moment, will improve, plus I am especially looking to learn much more about C. S. Lewis, a man I have idolized since I was six but have never studied academically. As a Christian, I almost feel guilty that I haven't read all of his theological books (which of course I will do this term); as a reader, I am utterly ashamed that I haven't read the Perelandra series (that's not the series title, just one of the books, but I'm too lazy to Google the series right now); as a historian, I really really want to connect him to his context: the Great War, World War II, the Lost Generation, the Great Depression, all of that good stuff.


My flight leaves at 7 PM tomorrow and I still have a work-study project to finish. Time for sleep.