Up and Down and Up Again

Ok, time for my just-when-you've-forgotten-who-I-am update.

Lately I've been worrying a lot about what happens if I don't get things right. (<--ambiguous confession.) You know? There are so many decisions to make in quick succession. So far in life it's been 1. Make it through elementary. 2. Survive middle school. 3. Repeat for high school. The goal was pretty general for a long time, but now I have to actually choose between goals. Life has some nerve expecting me to know (in advance!) what career I want, where I want to live and who I want to spend my life with*! Plus I have to finance it all (with significant help from parents)!

So anyways, a general gloom has pervaded my thoughts in recent weeks, particularly since I keep hearing about childhood friends who are now engaged, have high-paying summer jobs or both! Way to encourage me to achieve, universe.

But see, there's the rub. My world isn't just a huge universe full of inconceivable (!) coincidence or unalterable destiny. Even though I can get really ridiculously depressed about mistakes I will continue to make, eventually I am reminded that I'm not alone in this (<-- cheesy, very obvious observation).

This past year has been overflowing with emotion, and I guess once I got away from it all, reality punched me in the face (<-- horrible metaphor??). Now I can say I know that God has great things in the future, even if they're the antipodes** of what I want to happen. And there are A TON of things I'm looking forward to happening soon. An apartment with four awesome girls! A semester when I'm looking forward to all of my classes! Another semester in England! I've got a lot to be thankful for, but sometimes I worry that I will mess it all up by making poor choices or getting hung up on one thing or another.

So, there you have my month full of thoughts. I know I'm not alone in fearing mistakes, so do yourself a favor, Internet, and give yourself a break :)

Also, please check out Starkidpotter's videos. Not only does A Very Potter Musical feed my inner theatre geek and HP nerd at the same time, but Little White Lie is also absolutely fantastic, and I've been listening to the soundtrack for two weeks. Enjoy!

*with whom I want to spend my life
**you guys have no clue how freakin' happy I am to use that word in a sentence

Recent Events

Whole sentences? This is gonna be tough...wait, you want whole paragraphs? That are coherent?? I'm sorry, Internet, but that might be a little much for me right now. Summer is a time for much thinking and pondering, yes, but apparently not for writing things down. I've started at least three entries that have petered out as I got further towards coherency. Even now, all I can offer is a list of incredible things I've happened across recently and an entry written maybe 3 weeks ago with some mental wanderings as I watched Turner Classic Movies late at night.

The petered-out entry from just after our Yellowstone trip.

Tonight has turned into a classic musical night:

1. On the Town

2. Royal Wedding (which I have never seen!) (edit: Now in my Top 5)

3. Singin' in the Rain (ahhh!) (also my Top 5)

4. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (Adam, Benjamin, Caleb, Daniel, Ephraim, Frank(incense) and Gideon!)

Our trip to Yellowstone was utterly fantastic. The hills and valleys there are so beautiful that I'm pretty sure if Tolkien had ever seen them, he would have seen Rohan and Gondor, and even the Shire at points.

We saw so many wild animals! Bison are old news to me now (please don't bother me with such trivial creatures), and the same with elk, although we only saw one with antlers, plus one moose, one big horn sheep (very dignified), one coyote (!!), and several mountain goats with one kid.

Once we arrived at our house and saw a bear preserved, we made it our mission to see a live one. Sadly, we went home unfulfilled in that dream. We had many almost sightings that turned out to be nothing more than far off black stumps

And that's where I either became too absorbed in my movie marathon to continue or simply fell asleep. Here's my List of Incredible Things I've Happened Across Lately.

1. I love dogs that are cuddly. I love dogs that are not cuddly as well, but our new dog, Jack (aka Clive Staples Lewis), curls up as close as he possibly can to me, and it makes me feel very warm and fuzzy inside. (It is extremely unfortunate that our cat, Kate, does not get this same feeling when Jack tries to make friends with a few menacingly friendly barks.)
2. New clothes - they are crisp, clean, animal hair-free (a rare thing in my house) and also yield a warm fuzzy feeling.
3. A Very Potter Musical - So goofy, but very sincerely affectionate to Harry & Co. The music is great and at times reminiscent of Les Miserables!
4. Jobs - I have one for a whole month, starting tomorrow!
5. A familiar book - specifically Harry Potter et al. I am rereading the series in preparation for the movie in...10 days, I think? I'm through approximately 1/3 of Chamber of Secrets, and the pleasure I get every time I open the book again is ridiculous. I can just feel myself sinking back into the universe, suddenly surrounded by old friends. This feeling happens with favorite scenes, chapters, books, and in very special cases, entire series (Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Jane Austen [yes, I know her books are not a series]). I'm desperately trying to finish a book that tries way too hard, and to read a book that was written with such ease and natural feeling is sheer pleasure.