Illness sucks

That's all.

Title

You all know that the most difficult thing about blogging for me is figuring out the titles of each post, because, above all, I hate when the first line of the post appears in the sidebar. Just when it goes onto two lines and then trails off...agh!! Absolutely horrible. The past few days I've been composing entries in my head, and I would have an excellent title to go along with it, but I was never at a point where I could actually sit down and write the post, so of course I forgot them all.

Anyways, I have not been blogging a lot, but I have been writing a lot, so here's something from my journal.*

So, I'm not totally sure what is happening in my head right now. Which is probably good, because then I can't mess it up. That verse "I put away childish things" comes to mind. I'm looking at all the books on my bookshelf and thinking that several of them probably don't belong on an English major's shelf. Not that it's the worst writing ever (I've seen much worse, including my own), but what I choose to read (and often buy) ought now to be something that challenges me to be better: reader and writer. Thus, Middlemarch** is now in my bag, though I haven't yet begun it. I need to get used to the idea of it first, and I'm sure George Eliot would appreciate a chance to evaluate her reader.

I have a lot of YA (young adult) fiction on my shelves, some of which is excellent (The Graveyard Book, Beauty, Crown Duel), but more aren't very spectacular (This is a books-are-sentient-beings journal, so I won't name names). I need to stop buying books before I've read them, because then I feel pressured to love them.

*My journal is an interesting little brown leather notebook with an extraordinarily difficult fastening. For at least two years I've been trying to figure out the best way to hold it shut, and recently, I've found that a paper clip holding the strings together is very reasonable. The other day though, I had an epiphany about a way the designers may have intended it to be kept shut. However, it's way to complicated for my talents to describe that way, so just rest assured that my notebook is now staying closed quite consistently without the help of a paper clip.

**Also, I decided approximately 30 seconds ago that I will not underline the names of books here, primarily because it's my journal and I will enthusiastically demolish unnecessary rules of punctuation whenever I can, but also because I would like the books I write about, particularly the good ones, to feel at home here. Being able to shrug off a binding and let your punctuation down is a valuable gift, one which I hope all my book friends will accept with my compliments.

...

So much to do...and yet I'm talking to you.

That rhyme is so painful, but I can't bring myself to delete it.

Today is a wandering day. I haven't really accomplished anything, except read an essay on confessional poetry, which is a genre which can be either utterly horrifying or exceptionally beautiful and specific. I should write a response paper on it before the concert I'm going to at 8, but it's probably not going to happen. I also have to at least outline a paper that is due Tuesday. I also discovered recently that a book I have to read this week is 300 pages. !!!. I think that by the time I am dead, I will have read everything in existence. In English at least. It's a worthy goal, I think.

Commentary?

Also, in an effort to challenge myself more in Advanced Writing, I decided I was going to post what I write in there, at least every once in a while. So here's what I wrote today. The prompt was Sacred Place? and I definitely will appreciate any thoughts you have (constructive criticism: I'm particularly concerned about cliches and also what you think works - if anything).

"Sacred Is Nowhere I Am"

Where is sacred?
The church others occupy
The home
People invade: is sacred alone?
Alone is lonely.

Sometimes lonely demands.
Sacred pulls a story:
Twisted experience.
Sacred is a fortress.
But my know-how - what is that?

Human crumbles;
I am not sacred.
But I
(my soul) -
That is consecrated.

Soul - [sohl] noun
The animating principle
Of life, feeling, thought,
the essential element
In everyone that is individual.

I don't have the knack -
Holy is what I can do.
Dust is not sacred,
Nor is bone.
Sacred is breath.

Decode my thoughts!

I'm really not sure what is going on in my life right now. Nor do I know what my life is going to look like tomorrow or next week, much less this summer. I think God is trying to teach me a real lesson in trust right now. The question is whether I will let him. I try to consistently and consciously spend time with him, but it's really hard, especially now that I'm getting up around 7 AM most days. But at the same time, I feel blessed, because it's always on my mind, and I know that that is God poking me in the ribs (where I am not ticklish, btw), trying to get my attention.

In other news, or maybe it's the same news from a different perspective, my impression of my classes are now completely different than what I expected them to be. I really, really enjoy Contemporary American Poetry, particularly the professor Matt Roth. He has been so helpful and understanding to me while I try to figure out whether I really want to take this class or not. Urban History is ok - the verdict still may be out on this one. Dr. LaGrand is a definite plus, but the material is not as interesting as I thought it would be, and it is definitely lacking in the pure history that I miss from my days as a single major.

Now for English Studies. Oh, what a joy. Not. So this is definitely one of those places God is using to teach me a lesson in humility and respect for those in authority. I think there is probably a personality disconnect between me and the professor. Also, I absolutely despise the feeling that I'm starting college all over again. It sucks. (As a side note, does anyone know of a satisfying alternative for that word? I really shouldn't use it, but it's so convenient!)

Advanced Writing is very challenging, but only if I let it be that way. Haha, I love being cryptic. What I mean is if you yourself don't drive the course, you won't get anything out of it. Because it is all about improving your own writing, what you learn is very ambiguous in a sense. It's a constant challenge. Still adore the prof, though :)

So, I wish I had more to say after my 10 day absence, but I really don't know anything at this point. It's very disorienting. I guess I'm just really sort of rediscovering the possibilities.

Wow. Cryptic!

In Celebration

(warning: there will be many ALL CAPS moments in this post)

This post is a celebration of the following things:

• my FIRST DAY at the Writing Center
• the fact that I am typing this on MY computer
• the NINETY pages I have yet to read for my LaGrand class
• the fact that today was a much better day than yesterday, when I spent an hour and a half PHOTOCOPYING GREEK (Thanks, Dr. Pettegrew. Thank you so much :)

Celebrate these things in whatever manner you feel best. The way I am going to celebrate is to read those aforementioned ninety pages in, hopefully, ninety minutes. HA!

No More

As I've reflected over the past few days on my ever-changing life, I've realized that I complain. A lot. So, I am declaring a no-whining zone in this blog (at least for this entry ;)

In an effort to promote this new, positive outlook, here are some good things that have happened to me.

Classes started Monday! Wellness won't be so much fun, but right after that is my one history class of the semester with probably my favorite professor ever, Jim LaGrand. I am definitely a fan of his. His voice sounds like Kermit and his faith shines through everything he does. We haven't gotten into any course material yet, but the class (U.S. Urban History) will definitely be one of the most challenging of the semester. He is legendary for lots of reading, writing and tough grading. Woo!

I'm still deciding how I feel about Contemporary American Poetry. It's definitely out of my comfort zone, which seems to be the standard for this semester, but it could still be good. I just have to get used to the English way of doing things as opposed to the History way. It shouldn't be that much of a difference, but I do have to think about things in a different light.

Intro to English Studies is looking to be fairly easy. There is only one paper that is more than one page. Apparently we will spend all semester revising it, but I'm not too worried. Stay tuned for when I find out how wrong I am :)

Advanced Writing was the one course that absolutely terrified me. It still does, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be the best class ever. I completely adore the professor, a funny, quirky woman, and, at least in the beginning, it feels like Creative Writing in high gear.

Money is a big concern for me this semester. Philadelphia and JTerm, both with minimal employment, kind of drained the coffers, and if things go as planned, the summer won't bring much extra cash either. So, I'm the work-study in the History department. It was really hard to get hours during Jterm, but just today, I got several more things to do, so hopefully, that will keep going, and the hours are very flexible. Altogether, this semester was looking to be pretty busy, but not anything that I couldn't handle with a little stress....

Surprise! The Writing Center just had a position open up today, and I guess I was next on their list. I'm not sure what the hours will be, or the pay, or anything really, but I'm going to try my best to make it work. I've wanted to work here since the first semester of my freshman year, and I'm certainly not going to let it go now.

Ok, so the movie Suzanne (my roommate for those of you who don't know) [edit: the movie Suzanne and I are watching (thank you, Jackie)] is nearing completion, and I have must get some sleep before tomorrow. Lots to do, lots to do!